Merisik and Bertunang

    I find the process of getting married in the Malay culture very different then what I am used to and very interesting. My host sister is getting married soon and this weekend was her engagement.  Merisik, the asking session, is when a relative of the boy will go and inspect and seek approval of the girl. They will present the girl with a ring which is a gesture for seeking approval. By accepting the ring, one accepts the proposal. Returning the ring means the girl refuses.
    The engagement is called the bertunang which can be done separately from the merisik, but for sake of time can be done together. The merisik is the asking part. After the bride's family has agreed, a date will be set up for the engagement and dowry's will be discussed. The bertunang is the actual engagement where the ring will be given and gifts exchanged. Now a days it is common for these two to be done together, which is exactly what our family's decided to do.
    This weekend we had both the merisik and the bertunang together. What happened was that the groom brought a group of women in his family to give our family gifts. They were gifts such as sweets, fruits, perfume, and even a baju kurung. Then the future bride had a group of girls from her famlily give the future groom's family gifts, but the girls side gave two more gifts then what the boys side gave. Usually the number of gifts is an odd number.

     Then the girl came out and sat in the center of everyone's attention. Then the boys family stated their intentions and our side accepted. Then the mother of the future groom put the rings on the girls finger. It was two rings. One was the merisik or asking ring. The other was the engagement ring which is more expensive then the asking ring. My sister was very lucky, she received two beautiful rings in one night.

   After the engagement or bertunang is the solemnization or the akad nikah which is when they will officially be husband and wife. The akad nikah is the most important. It is where the man has to give his words to the witness and a ring to complete the akad nikah. This can be done either in a mosque or at home. This is the only Islamic required ritual. It will be done by qualified and registered kadhi who will declare the couple husband and wife. Then will be the reception. This can be done days or weeks apart or on the same day. It is optional, but it is tradition for the family to invite friends and families and even neighbors to share their joy that the couple is now legally married. The reception can have up to thousands of guest. It all depends on their budget though.

Gifts from the girls side

Gifts from the boys side

Chocolates

Victoria Secret 

Baju Kurung

The cute couple :)

The theme was grey and white 

All my host siblings

The beautiful bride to be (My lovely host sister)